


Love, Again

by Cowboy_Sneep_Dip



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Angst, F/F, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Mild Fates Spoilers (Hidden Truths specifically), Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 06:45:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15067463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cowboy_Sneep_Dip/pseuds/Cowboy_Sneep_Dip
Summary: Selena - no, not Selena. Severa reflects on her past and ponders her future, wondering where her wayward heart will guide her next.





	Love, Again

**Author's Note:**

> I found this in my drafts, except it was finished? Idk my pals and friends, I hope its good??? Thanks for reading! (I'm secretly a sucker for this ship shhhhhh)

Selena sighed.

The sky overhead twinkled brightly, speckled with flecks of sparkling silver, a million tiny gemstones set into the deep curtain of indigo above. She leaned back, resting her hands in the cool grass alongside her.

_I wonder what they’re all doing now._

The bright moon shone in her eyes. She sighed again and blinked, glad that no one else was around. It was past midnight and the castle grounds were just about empty at this point. The shops had closed up, the training yard was empty. Everyone back to their quarters. Everyone but a lonely girl sitting cross-legged in the grass, idly twisting blades of green and trying to keep herself from crying.

She took a deep breath. She tried hard not to think about it, but sometimes it was unavoidable. And by sometimes, she meant all the time. Her chest tightened and her stomach hurt and she tried hard to keep herself silent. It was dark, and she was far from anyone else, and by rights no one else _should_ be awake, but damn if she was going to let anyone see her cry.

She wiped her eyes and stifled herself. Evidently tonight was going to be okay. She picked at the worn leather around her boots.

_Stupid Corrin._

It would have been so much easier if she had done what they agreed upon. What had Inigo said? _“We shouldn’t be making friends with these people. It will only make leaving harder.”_

But that was impossible. How couldn’t she? Even if Camilla _hadn’t_ been the best liege she could have hoped for, even if Beruka hadn’t been such a good – eh, friend is close enough. Even without them, she couldn’t help but form attachments. It was lonely enough as it was. Having no friends would have been unbearable. And then there was _her_.

_Stupid Corrin._ Selena picked at the grass around her, plucking grass and dandelions and getting dirt under her nails, and that was probably Corrin’s fault too.

Her stupid smile and her stupid face and the way her stupid hair stuck out in funny directions, and why the _hell_ didn’t she wear shoes and Selena found herself clawing at the dirt, absent of purpose but needing to direct her anger somewhere, towards some destructive end. Her stupid eyes and how bright they were and how her dumb goofy smile looked so cute and _UGH SHE’S JUST THE WORST!_ Selena gritted her teeth and her pulse pounded behind her ears.

She knew what it was, too. She reminded her of _her_.

Her stupid optimism and how she never gave up and she refused to accept her fate, and how she was just so damn friendly and kind and loving to everyone. And honestly, the stupidity helped too. _She_ hadn’t been dumb, but every time Selena made a joke and it flew over Corrin’s dumb little head she couldn’t help but remember.

“Lucina…” Selena whispered, her voice cracking slightly. What was she doing now?

It certainly wasn’t the same sky they were looking at. Not a single star in the wide night above housed her. Nothing, no matter how far she traveled in this world. She hugged her knees tightly.

A sound startled her from her homesick fantasies. She raised her head and blinked, looking around.

It was nighttime but bright enough to see clearly, the pale moonlight casting its glow across the grass. Shuffling sounded, somewhere. She wiped her eyes. Composed. Calm. She was not crying. It was probably just someone looking for the mess hall for a snack or something. She sat perfectly still.

“Selena? Is that you?”

Gods dammit. She forgot Corrin’s draconic eyes let her see better in the dark than she could in the daytime.

“Lady Corrin?” Selena swiveled her head. The girl herself padded towards her, her bare feet pressing lightly into the cool grass. Corrin loved the feel of it, especially at night.

“M-milady, what are you doing up?” Selena asked, somewhat startled.

“I should ask you the same question!” Corrin stood over her, hands on her hips. “Shouldn’t you be getting some sleep? We’re marching tomorrow.”

Selena shrugged. “I couldn’t sleep. It’s no big deal.”

“Oh.” Corrin plopped down on her backside in the grass next to her. “You can’t either, huh?”

Selena shrugged again.

Corrin laid down on her back and spread her toes. She stared up at the sky with unblinking reptilian eyes. “I’ve been sleeping less and less these days,” she said somewhat softly. “Sometimes it’s all I can do to just lay down for a bit.”

Selena frowned. Stupid Corrin. Why would Selena even care? She did this all the time – just offered up quotes or quips or commentary, constantly spouting off about how she felt about this, that, or some other thing. She was a princess, didn’t she have any shame? Any sense of privacy?

“What about you?” Corrin asked, closing her eyes. “Worried about tomorrow?”

Selena laughed. “What? Of course not. I can handle myself.”

Corrin breathed slowly, in and out. “I am.”

Selena furrowed her brow. Why was she so weird? She probably just wanted someone to talk to, right? “…oh?” she said cautiously.

Corrin slipped her hands under her head, black gloves entwining with her silver hair. “People are going to die.”

“I...it’s a war, milady.”

“I know, but…” Corrin opened her eyes again. “I hate it, you know? I hate all the fighting. I just wish we could get along.”

Selena grimaced. Naïve, too. What a joke. “Unfortunately, that’s not how humans work.”

Corrin pushed herself up, propping herself on her elbows. She looked curiously at Selena. “You say that like you’re an expert in human nature.”

“I’ve seen enough of the world to know how people are. It doesn’t matter who they are or where they’re from, people are people. And that means they’re cold, heartless bastards who’ll do whatever it takes to get their way.”

“Even you?”

Selena got to her feet. “I’m sorry, milady. I’m in a bad mood. You should get some rest.”

“Selena, wait.”

Selena turned and looked down at Corrin. She was a small girl, her frame slight and gangly.

“Are…are you okay?” Corrin asked.

Selena frowned. Then laughed. Was _she_ okay? “Lady Corrin, I _really_ think you need some rest.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Corrin got to her feet. “Am I not allowed to worry about my friends?”

Selena shook her head. “We’re the ones who should be worried about you. It can’t possibly be easy for you.” She gestured to herself. “I’m just the hired muscle, remember?”

“That’s not true,” Corrin said, taking a step closer. “I know Camilla pays you, but…please don’t think you aren’t also a dear friend.”

Selena’s breath caught. She let out a sharp, barking laugh. “Ha! Good one, Lady Corrin.”

“I’m not joking,” Corrin said, folding her arms. “Is it really so strange? Why do you refuse to believe someone would want to be your friend?”

 Selena laughed again. “I’m just a soldier, milady. Who's to say I won’t die tomorrow, or the next day? What would be the point, other than making your life harder?” She and Corrin walked together through the castle grounds, though Selena was secretly just trying to get her own space back. “Befriending the soldiers under your command is a good way to get yourself killed. You won’t be able to make the tough choices.”

“You speak as if you know the responsibilities of command.”

“I’ve fought in my fair share of wars, milady.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Corrin asked.

Selena shrugged. “I’m a mercenary. What did you expect?”

“What wars did you fight in?” Corrin asked again, sternly. She stopped walking and planted herself in the grass.

“What do you want me to say?” Selena snapped. “It’s none of your damn business. It’s MY life.”

“I know you’re hiding something,” Corrin said, her angry voice melting into something kinder. “Selena…I don’t want you keeping secrets.”

Selena took a deep breath. She was in a sour mood, and this naïve idiot was making things worse. She gritted her teeth and turned to face Corrin. “Okay,” she said, almost growling. “You wanna know why I don’t want to make friends? Because I had friends, once. You know what happened to them?”

Corrin said nothing.

“They died.”

“What?” Corrin asked, concerned.

“They died!” Selena snapped impatiently. “They died. And my commander sent them to their deaths. She knew she had to make hard choices, and she knew that meant sending friends and loved ones to their death.” She stalked towards Corrin. “So no, _Lady Corrin,_ I don’t want to be your friend. I’m Lady Camilla’s retainer, but I am nothing more. To any of you.”

“Selena,” Corrin said softly, nervously fussing with her cape. “I’m…sorry. I didn’t know.”

“No, you didn’t,” Selena said. “You didn’t ask, either. Because I don’t want to be your friend, and you don’t want to be mine.”

“I do, though,” Corrin said. She took a tentative step towards her. “Why would you think I don’t want to be your friend?”

Selena frowned and gestured to the night air. “I’ve heard them talking about me. ‘Oh, Selena, what a bitch. Oh, Selena, she’s so mean. She’s awful, she’s the worst. I hate her.’ Why would you want to be friends with someone like that?”

“I don’t think you’re awful,” Corrin said quietly. She stared at the grass in between them.

“Well, you should.”

Corrin looked up. “Don’t say that.”

“Why not? It’s true. The only reason I’m here at all is that I’m the best, and Lady Camilla only hires the best. No one would put up with me otherwise.”

“Why are you saying that?” Corrin asked, her voice almost pleading. “Selena, why are you saying such awful things about yourself?”

“Because I _am_ the worst!” Selena shouted. “Because I’m only here because I can use a sword. No one wants me here! I don’t even know why I came here in the first place!”

Corrin felt her chest catch. She reached out a hand, which Selena promptly smacked away. Those words sounded so familiar. Like words that echoed around her head at night, bouncing around her skull, refusing to let her rest. _No one wants you. Why are you even here? What are you doing? You’ve made a terrible mistake. You’ve ruined your family. You’ll never be good enough to please Father._

She choked back a tearful sniff and watched Selena, angry but unmoving. Her hands were clenched in fists are her sides.

Selena’s own thoughts made her heart pound, made her chest ache. _Why are you here? What are you doing? You’ll never be as perfect as her. No matter how far you run, no matter where you go, you’ll always be in her shadow._

“Shut up!” Selena shouted at herself, clutching her arms around her head.

“I didn’t-“ Corrin said carefully, holding out a hand.

“I said shut UP!” Selena snapped again, making a move to dash away. Corrin lunged instinctively, trying to catch her arm.

Selena recoiled from the lunge and scrambled backwards, her eyes wide and frantic.

“Selena, I’m-“ Corrin stammered, holding her hand out, grasping at empty air. “I’m sorry, I didn’t-“

“Go away,” Selena folded her arms over her chest and shrunk back. She seemed so very small to Corrin. Gone was the bravado, the hot-headed abrasiveness that commanded attention. Now she was just a girl, holding tight to herself and trying to fight back tears.

It was almost like looking in a mirror.

Corrin opened her mouth to speak, then thought better of it. She held her hands out, open and gentle. _Signify you mean no harm_.

“Selena,” Corrin said softly. She tried to remember how Camilla treated _her_ when she was upset. Calm, gentle, cautious.

Even despite her timid stance, Selena’s eyes burned with bright, righteous fury. She ground her teeth together and glared at Corrin.

“I just want to talk,” Corrin said. She took a step forward, slowly pressing her feet into the grass. She held a hand out. “I promise I’m not going to hurt you.”

“As if you even could,” Selena scoffed quietly. The remark seemed hollow and token, like it was given out of obligation rather than intent.

Corrin took another step. She could almost touch Selena now, but she didn’t. She lowered her hands to her side. “Are you okay?”

Selena gritted her teeth. “Just…just leave me alone.”

“Why?” Corrin asked, her voice quiet but firm. “Why do you want me to leave you alone?”

Selena slowly unwound her arms from around herself. “I just want to go to bed.”

“Why are you so upset?” Corrin asked. She winced as she did.

“I’m not upset, you moron!” Selena snapped. “I’m just tired. Gods! You’re so stupid!”

Corrin barely flinched at the remark. Instead, she gently but firmly grasped Selena’s arm and tugged her. She planted her boots in the dirt, unwilling to move.

“Please,” Corrin implored. “Please, just tell me what’s wrong. I promise I won’t judge you. I…I’ll be worried sick if I try to sleep knowing you feel this terrible.”

“I feel fine,” Selena lied, trying to push her back. “Please just leave me alone, Lady Corrin.”

“Fine,” Corrin assented. “Have it your way. I order you.”

Selena balked.

“I order you,” Corrin repeated. “Tell me what’s bothering you.”

“You aren’t my superior,” Selena tried retorting, thought it came as more of a desperate plea than she had intended.

“I’ll tell Camilla, then. I think we both know whose side she’ll take.”

“Why?” Selena asked, almost timidly. “Why do you even care?”

Corrin sighed and sat down, patting the grass next to her. “Can you sit? I don’t want to order you again, but I will if I have to.” Selena assented.

Corrin picked at the grass, fixing her attention on the green blades as she plucked them and peeled them apart, meticulously, nervously, as she tried to order her thoughts.

“I…I’m worried about you, Selena.”

Selena said nothing, simply hugged her knees against her chest.

“I…I can tell something’s wrong. I’ve…” Corrin blushed and tucked her face into her shoulder. “I’ve been watching you.” When Selena didn’t respond, Corrin continued. “I know you eat alone in the mess hall. I know you prefer to take patrols on your own. I’ve seen you training late into the night.”

Selena frowned. “You’ve been spying on me.”

“I like to know where my army is,” Corrin said simply. “Maybe Camilla’s been rubbing off on me or something.”

Selena let out a hoarse laugh.

“Speaking of, I talked to Camilla about it. She said she’s heard you in your bunk, crying yourself to sleep at night.”

Selena’s heart dropped. She had been so careful, but far be it from her to slip something past her lady.

Corrin put a hand on Selena’s shoulder. “I…I won’t pretend to know what’s wrong. But I’ve endured enough suffering in my life to know it when I see it.”

Selena buried her face in her knees and said nothing. She knew she couldn’t. As soon as she opened her mouth, it would all come out in a fountain of tears.

“Is it your old friends? Your old country? Are you homesick?” Corrin asked. She cautiously rubbed Selena’s shoulder, working her hand across to her long, red hair. She stroked it gently.

Selena nodded.

“I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do to make it better?”

Selena shook her head.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Another head shake.

Corrin kneaded her hair, running her black-gloved hands through the tangles of Selena’s pigtails, working out knots. It was a calming motion. It reminded her a little of detangling Camilla’s hair when she was little.

“I can’t pretend to know what it feels like,” Corrin said quietly. “I mean, when I miss my family I just have to walk across the courtyard and say hello. But…I know a little bit about what you’re going through. The isolation, the loneliness. The feeling that nothing you ever do will be good enough.” She stopped petting Selena and let her hands drop to her sides. “Just know that…you’re good enough for me.”

Selena lifted her head and Corrin could see tears sparkling down her cheeks. ”What?”

Corrin touched her softly. “I never want you to feel like you aren’t good enough. Or that you don’t belong. I know…I know I can’t bring back those you’ve lost. And I know this will never be your true home. But while you’re here, I never want you to feel like you don’t belong.”

“I _don’t_ belong here, though,” Selena protested. It wasn’t an angry outburst like before, but simply a demonstration of fact. “I…I came here looking for something, but I don’t even know what that was.” She grasped a fistful of grass angrily. “I guess I thought I had something to prove. Or something I thought I stood to gain by coming here. But ever since I arrived, all I’ve felt was loss.” She sniffled and wiped her eyes before turning to look at Corrin. “I miss them,” she whimpered. “I miss them so gods-damned much it hurts. Every day I wake up, hoping this horrible dream will be over and I’ll be back in my bed at home.”

Corrin tried not to let her motivational speech falter, even as she ventured into unknown territory. “I’m sorry, Selena. I…I know it must be incredibly difficult. But you haven’t only lost, since coming here.”

“Yeah,” Selena said dismissively. “I guess I picked up some homesickness, right?”

“What about us?” Corrin asked. “What about Camilla and Beruka?”

Selena frowned. Her boss and who could really be the only one called her true friend. And Beruka didn’t have any friends. She’d sell Selena out for pocket change. Hell, Selena didn’t know anything about her – her birthday, her favorite food, her favorite type of book… Beruka was a knife at Lady Camilla’s side, nothing more.

“Some friends,” Selena said.

Corrin took her hand. “What about me?”

“What _about_ you?” Selena snapped, her anger flashing up again.

“I’d like to think that we’re friends.”

“Have you been paying attention to ANYTHING I’ve been saying?!” Selena pushed Corrin back. Stupid Corrin. Stupid Corrin and her stupid perfect smile and her stupid perfect hair and how she knew just the right things to say to make Selena’s walls crumble to dust. “Gods, you’re so stupid, you know that?!”

Corrin reached out her hand to Selena’s cheek. “You’re crying.”

“No I’m not!” Selena lied. She could taste the salt on her lips as she spoke. But she couldn’t stop it.

Corrin took her face in her hands and gently rubbed her cheeks, brushing tears from her eyes. “Oh, Selena…”

Selena felt her chest constrict. She wanted to die, even more so than usual. She wished she hadn’t done any of this – that she hadn’t come out for a walk, that she hadn’t taken the night shift, that she hadn’t joined up with Corrin’s army, that she hadn’t taken Lady Camilla’s offer, that she hadn’t come to Nohr, that she hadn’t taken Anankos’ job, that she hadn’t left Ylisse, that she hadn’t abandoned every single thing she knew and cherished. And now she was sobbing in the dirt in a fortress in an alternate dimension, watching a dragon princess wipe the tears from her face.

Corrin took one cheek in each hand and slowly leaned forward, touching their foreheads together. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “I…”

Selena tilted her head up to look Corrin in the eyes. Those perfect, monstrous eyes. Corrin blinked slowly.

“Can I kiss you?” Corrin asked softly. Selena pursed her lips and nodded.

It was a chaste kiss, almost reverent. Corrin pressed her lips against Selena’s.

The dam broke.

As Selena sobbed, Corrin whispered soft reassurances, stroking her hair and kissing the tears from her cheeks.


End file.
